Joan Whitehall

Ex-Pope and now antitheist


Joan Whitehall is a lightning rod of mixed emotions and information.

In 2058 she was elected Pope Formidinus in a record short modern election. Of course she was the first female Pope and leader of a major religion and was seen as unseemly young at the time. However, her naysayers were quickly won over as the Catholic church had the greatest renaissance in modern history.
With a surprisingly cruel hand she reformed the church quickly by applying extra-territorial rights and swift flying judiciary. Clerics that Pope labeled as ‘diddlers’ were chemically castrated and put to work in labour farms, squanderers were de-frocked and forced to join penurious vocational orders. In spite of the near medieval barbarity her popularity soared inside and outside of the church. And the good works were greatly increased as the ‘leeches’ were reomoved.
During her reform an ex-communicated bishop attempted to assassinate her during a mass. She was uninjured but the perpetrator was torn limb from limb in a matter of seconds.

Within 2 years of her ascension Pope Formidinus had negotiated a reunification with the Orthodox church followed by the Anglican and several other protestant sects.

Slightly after her 6th year in office, during a simulcon with several news organization, corporate and national leaders the Pope seemed to have a break down.
When asked by a now forgotten reporter, “How has God instructed you to help the people of the Balkans?”
“What kind of blinded fools are you all? Each of you comes to me expecting me to do Gods work and save the fragging world! Well there is NO GOD, the good of this congregation is the GOOD of all people and I am sick of your insipid irresponsible drek. I would say go to hell, but there is no hell so just rot in your own bile”.
“Oh and someone get medics and guards into Plovdiv ASAP, and turn down the heat in the residence”
At which point she disconnected and apparently jumped from a Vatican plane over Northern China.

Joan Whitehall

Broken People Denis Denis